Browsing "2020"
Feb 15, 2021 - 2020    2 Comments

Blown expectations, and making memories



Two blogs in one day?  I appear to be a font of wisdom today, so I’m going to go with it . . .because it doesn’t happen frequently. I should also mention that, although we’re in 2021, this blog is in the 2020 category because in some ways it feels like December 77th, 2020.

Yesterday, my social media timelines were filled with an explosion of hearts and sentiments of love, and on the other end of the spectrum, I received a handful of phone calls and texts from disappointed people whose expectations weren’t met.  I’m really tired of my friends being unhappy.  I guess they could lower their expectations, but why should they have to?

Over the past year, we’ve had a lot of time on our hands, and we should have had moments of introspection.  I was having a conversation with my BFF Lorrie yesterday, and we agreed that there are so many things that we miss about our youth, times passed, and moments that we carelessly lived through, without realizing that one day, we would want them back.

My point is that, if you have someone in your life that you care about, you should always make an effort.  And not just a ‘meh’ effort, where you only stretch as far as is convenient, but one that takes you off your path a bit, and forces you to think and really consider what would make them happy . . . and then act on it.  Never mind that we’re in the middle of a pandemic, and that we’re unable to do what we might if the world was wide open for all possibilities.  (Truth be told, some of you are blaming your lack of action on COVID, when, in reality, you’re rather thoughtless when all options are available.  I’m just sayin’.)

Keep in mind that you’re always creating a memory, which can last forever.  I’ve been “blessed” (cursed) with an eidetic memory, so I have the pleasure of being able to recall traumatic birthday experiences of several years ago that can anger me just as much to this very day.  To the point where, whenever my birthday month rolls around, I feel an immediate sense of dread. The good news is that the flip side is also true.  Whenever something has made me happy, the memory can be uplifting and gratifying.

I promise you that, at some point, your relationship will be at a crossroad, and these memories can either be the points that save it, or the straws that break it.  If your significant other is making a decision about whether or not to stay, you want him/her to look back, and make an unquestionable decision in your favor.

So, the real question is, what type of memory would like to be attached to?  Do you want your significant other to look back on their birthday/Valentine’s Day/etc., and feel hurt and disappointed?  Do you really want to take that chance?  Or would you prefer for him/her to feel as though you went above and beyond, and look back on the day in question with a smile?

And I realize that many of the offenders will have excuses, so let me help you out:

  • We’re in the middle of COVID.  This is all the MORE reason that you should make an effort.  This isn’t a normal year, and we need things to celebrate and uplift us during a time where people are sick, losing loved ones, jobs, etc.  Crime is at an all-time high, and the world is crazy.  We have to find happiness and a sense of normalcy wherever we can, so if there’s a time to celebrate, it’s now.
  • I didn’t have any money.  You don’t always need money.  Cook a meal with whatever you find in the kitchen — you have to eat anyway, right?  Or perhaps a card made on your computer? You can play a game found online, or give coupons good for things that you normally don’t like to do, like cleaning.  Time spent together is sometimes the best gift.  And it’s free.
  • I don’t “believe in” birthdays or Valentine’s Day or Christmas or . . . whatever.  Well, guess what?  It’s not about you.  Does your significant other “believe in” them?  Aren’t you happy that he/she was born?  If so, suck it up, buttercup, and do something that makes THEM happy. #selfishbastard
  • I didn’t have time.  You have nothing but time, and I’ll bet you find the time for something that you really want to do. What you’re really saying is that you didn’t care to allocate the time.
  • I had to work.  I especially hate this one because I’ve heard it far too much. (It’s even worse when the person delivers it with a matter-of-fact “work takes precedence over everything” attitude) Guess what?  Work is always going to be there.  And chances are, your work is not a life or death situation, and you need to learn to balance your time and life.  What you’re communicating is that work is more important and that you will ALWAYS put work first.  Which doesn’t bode well . . .
  • I was going to [fill in the overblown grand gesture of choice], but.  Okay, it’s not about the grand gesture.  It truly is about being thoughtful.  There are a lot of great possibilities on the spectrum between “I was going to take on you a trip to Paris, but . . .” and doing absolutely nothing.  Challenge yourself to find them.
  • I never know what to do.  That’s where the combination of creativity and paying attention to your partner comes in.  You have the gift of another person in your life that you can get to know, and you choose not to?  Off the top of your head, you should know sizes, favorite colors, what he/she wishes for, what he/she loves to eat.  You should also have things that you would LOVE to do for him/her.  You’re making it all too hard.  And sad.
  • I asked you what you wanted to do, but you didn’t have suggestions.   If you’re anything like me, you don’t want to write the blueprint for what your significant other is going to do for you.  It takes all of the fun out of it.  Most people don’t want to (and shouldn’t have to) browbeat their significant others to be thoughtful.  That’s not quite how it works, and it kind of defeats the purpose.
  • I really don’t care.  Well, do that person a favor, and keep it moving.


If you’re a member of the selfish faction that’s reading this blog, keep in mind that efforts have to be reciprocated to strengthen the foundation of a relationship.  So, what’s in it for you is the reaction, the happiness, and the goodness that will be returned tenfold.

Mind you, repeated instances of thoughtlessness and a continued extreme lack of effort are indications that you’re with a person who can’t be bothered to make you happy, and can also be the Universe’s way of showing you that you’re in the wrong relationship.

I hope this helps someone!  <3


Nov 8, 2020 - 2020    1 Comment

Hoist with his own petard

Screenshot_20201109-001659This entire election has been a shit-show — much like the last four years.  But, as usual, we can find a LOT of things to laugh about, as we examine the circumstances.  Or maybe I should speak for myself.

I guess I should explain the title for the majority of people who are reading this thing and aren’t Shakespeare buffs (for the record, I wouldn’t dare refer to myself as a legit “Shakespeare buff.”  I merely have a few favorite phrases across a number of plays — mostly Hamlet.).  In layman’s terms, the phrase means to be blown up by your own bomb.  It’s the ultimate form of ironic justice, IMO.

That said, let’s dig under the covers of the humor . . .

So . . . a reality TV star named Donald Trump – a thrice-married alleged mogul who has had six businesses file for bankruptcy in less than 20 years, surprised everyone when he entered the primary race for the Presidential election of 2016.

I’m non-partisan, but when I heard he was running, I thought “certainly the Republicans won’t let him be THE candidate.”  To the point where, when a former colleague whom I refer to as CRC (crazy racist co-worker) entered my office and said, “That Trump makes a lot of sense,” I threatened to hit her in the head with one of my boots if she didn’t evacuate my space while spewing that crazy shit.  I recall telling her that he would have us back in Nazi Germany which she poo-pooed before going back into her little lonely world of lunacy across the hall.

Realistically, he won that year because people didn’t fight all that hard against him.  I voted sans inspiration. Hilary Clinton was a polarizing candidate and didn’t inspire a lot of voters.  When Trump was elected, we were bewildered.  Like, how in the HELL did that happen??  If we knew then what we know now.

Anyhoo . . . while I’ve done well financially over the last 3.8 years, they’ve probably been the most morally bankrupt years that we’ve lived through in the last century.  Trump has managed to alienate every racial entity, he has openly mocked the disabled, displayed every misogynistic tendency, “delighted” us with his stupidity on social media, and given a voice to and emboldened racists and violent people who were previously underrepresented in leadership. At least out in the open.  He is directly linked to every deplorable degenerate, including Jeffrey Epstein (who didn’t kill himself). Somehow the overturning of Roe v Wade co-exists with children put in cages.  And, along those lines, let’s please not forget the thick, chalky irony of the FLOTUS.   If anyone brings up dear Melania and her widely-distributed nudes, the rebuttal is “her body, her choice.” I’m guessing that sentiment doesn’t apply to my uterus?   He has made us the laughingstock of the world.  Then we have COVID – or should we call it the “Chinese Flu” -  and how his ridiculous decision to politicize a pandemic, of all things, has effectively killed hundreds of thousands of people.

By the way, if you’ve read the above paragraph, and you’re violently shaking your head in rebuttal to my points (while internally – or maybe externally – calling me a racial slur [which, even in your head, is misspelled]), please do yourself a favor and stop reading right now.  You’re not going to like where this is going.  I censor the comments here.  I’m sorry, but I don’t really care how you feel, and thank you for playing. However, if you’re interested in a potentially different viewpoint or enlightened humor, read on.  It’s a free country. :-)  

Alrighty . . . moving on.  So . . . when at long last the 2020 election was like a bright light at the end of a dismal tunnel, we knew we had work to do.  For the record, by ‘we,’ I’m not talking strictly Dems.  I mean any person who has decency and wanted to see unification rather than destruction, going forward.  That said, WE had to get behind whichever candidate was running against Trump, and motivate every single person to get their asses to the polls.

And, to be clear, we weren’t working with a perfect candidate in Uncle Joe.  There were things to overlook, and there was a LOT of dissension within the Democratic party and among the Republicans who decided to defect.  But what Biden DOES do is speak of unity, which is what our divided, cracked, and brittle country so desperately needs.  If he can be the soothing lotion of the damaged and distressed dermis that is the United States, then let’s bring him on.  It wouldn’t happen with any of us alone, but all of us together. (Because real talk?  These motherfuckers?  Needed saving from themselves!!)  Let’s motivate millennials and Gen Z to vote and teach them that their vote DOES matter. (They stepped up, FYI!) Let’s rally the seniors.  Let’s get behind this candidate because this truly was THE most important election that I’ve ever witnessed or studied in history class.

But in the meantime, the devil was busy.  (I know . . .  I sound like an old aunt who never misses a sermon, but it’s the best analogy that I can give, here.)

Trump knew good and GOTdamned well that the majority of the country hated him.  He KNEW it.  So, he arranged to have 21,000 polling places closed.  He actively ordered the removal of mailboxes to deter mail-in voting and turned the postal service into even MORE of a goat rodeo than it was before.  This went on until the Postmaster General effectively said “Dude . . . Fuck you!”  Oh, and he did absolutely nothing to legitimately stop the spread of COVID, and actively tried to downplay it as the numbers of infections and senseless deaths soared.

There were reports of long lines for the primaries, and tales of some waiting for hours, only not to be able to cast their votes.  In specific neighborhoods, mind you.

In anticipation of election shenanigans, what did we do?  Well, we did whatever we could to make sure that our votes would be counted.  Mail-in ballots were used, egregiously, by seniors and those whose immune systems can’t tolerate exposure to serious diseases.  Our votes — ALL of them — were going to count.  To be clear . . . the process wasn’t smooth, far from perfect, and we’re still dealing with the aftermath, but the votes were GOING TO COUNT.

And count they did, President Biden.

So now we have the next few months to look forward to as Trump is dragged from the Oval by his one strand of hair that’s approximately 8,000 feet long and wrapped delicately around his hollow dome, as he tries to issue more ridiculous executive orders while clinging to the Presidency like shit in a toilet bowl.  While it will be interesting, his removal will be as easy as yanking a spoiled, determined (320 lb) toddler – with transition issues – from a candy store.

Oh, wait, I promised comedy, right?  Well . . . it’s a comedy in the Shakespearean way.  With lots of ironies and unfortunate demise.  Most immediately, it’s hilarious that, with all of his effort to be deceitful, he LOST.  He was hoist with his own petard!  Also, keep in mind that comedy is tragedy plus time.  Re-read this in a year, and I promise you’ll laugh.  My hope is that we’re at least done crying for a while.

Realistically, it hasn’t been all bad.  The good news about this is that I think everyone has shown their true colors, and I, personally, have emerged from this ridiculousness with a much better idea of how to proceed, and with whom.  I did get engaged this year, so I consider 2020 to be a true new beginning.  Cheers to it.